A little way I dealt with my frustration over this lather, rinse, repeat storyline one afternoon. Thanks to Raye for the sounding board and looking it
over, and thanks to Jacque for reading it and for the wonderful banner. A little something, hopefully, for you to enjoy.
Also, while I understand Spinelli, I don't speak Spinelli or write Spinelli. I wasn't going to sit around trying to be clever and convoluted and witty. Maybe you'll just indulge me on this and believe that Spinelli wouldn't be quite his loquacious self on such a serious subject.
Jason sighed heavily as he stepped out of Michael's room and into the bright hospital hallway. Jax was once again trying to get Carly to come home with him to rest for a little while and spend some time with Morgan and the grieving mother was refusing to leave her oldest son's bedside. She didn't want Sonny near him and Jason had offered to stay with Michael so she could get some rest, but she was still resisting. He'd left in the hopes of giving the married couple privacy, but also because it was time for rounds and he didn't want to see Elizabeth.
In the two weeks since he'd walked away from her at her house, Jason had been doing his best to not see Elizabeth. It was impossible not to think of her, but he knew that for the sake of the woman he loved and her children that he had to keep his distance. In order to do that, he tried his best to minimize contact with her. It hurt too much to see her and know that he couldn't be with her. That he couldn't hold her, that he couldn't kiss her, that he couldn't love her because it would bring too much danger to her life. She was often the nurse assigned to Michael's room and he didn't know that he could bear to see her today.
Yet as he neared the nurses' hub on his way to get some coffee, he saw her. Standing in the middle of her colleagues, she looked pale and upset. A blonde haired nurse he'd seen around and Epiphany were standing near her, almost supporting her, and Dr. Lee and Robin were nearby as well. Snatches of their conversation floated to him and he couldn't make it out.
"It's horrible."
"I can't believe what happened."
"Are they sure?"
But it was Elizabeth's voice that carried to him above all the others, even though it was the softest and the shakiest. "It was supposed to be me."
Robin shook her head, "You can't think like that, Elizabeth. And you can't blame yourself."
"But it was supposed to be…I was supposed to…I couldn't because Gram is out of town and couldn't watch the boys and the daycare wouldn't keep Cam because his eye was red and they thought he was getting pink eye and so I…" She trailed off and then repeated, "It was supposed to be me."
Dr. Lee gave Elizabeth a hug and Jason stopped himself from going near her. He'd already taken two steps before he was aware of it and he knew he couldn't get any closer. No matter how much he wanted to.
"I…I need to go," Elizabeth said. "I…I need to see the boys."
"Of course," Epiphany nodded. "Go hug your boys and take a break."
As Elizabeth stepped out of the hub and towards the elevator, Jason took a step back, keeping out of her line of sight.
"So Cameron isn't sick?" the blonde nurse asked. "Since he's in daycare?"
"It's allergies," Robin answered with a shake of her head. "Elizabeth asked me to take a look at him since I was here. It wasn't pink eye, so he's back at day care today."
"Alright," Epiphany said with mock gruffness, breaking up the group of women. "Back to work."
She looked over directly at Jason and suddenly the enforcer felt like he'd been caught doing something illegal. But he'd been spotted and he wouldn't ignore Stan's mother, especially since he and Spinelli hadn't yet figured out who was responsible for her son's death, and he slowly walked up to the older woman.
"Is uh…is everything alright?" he asked, scratching his eyebrow with his thumb.
"One of our colleagues was killed last night," Epiphany informed him. "Elizabeth just heard about it."
"Were…were they close?" he asked with a frown, wondering whose death would upset Elizabeth that much. He hadn't seen her that close to breaking since she sat with Emily's body that night at Wyndemere.
"Not especially," the nurse answered. "But Nurse Mir covered Elizabeth's shift down in the ER last night because she had to leave."
"What happened?" Jason pressed.
"Leyla was waiting out in the ambulance bay with a doctor to intake a patient when she was hit by a car. A man was driving himself to the hospital when he had a heart attack and died behind the wheel, losing control. Leyla was killed instantly as she was pinned against the building and the doctor's now in traction and dealing with a punctured lung."
His eyes opened wide before he blinked and stepped back. "Uh…thank you. I…"
"Dr. Drake should be meeting with Mrs. Jacks in about half an hour to discuss Michael's latest tests," Epiphany told him knowingly, and Jason nodded.
Then he turned and went to the elevator banks, punching the button repeatedly. The doors slid open and he stepped on before he was aware of the other passengers, but as he reached to press the button for the daycare floor, he stopped. Claudia Zacharra stood near the panel, giving him what he was sure she considered a flirtatious smirk.
"Going down?" she asked, her fingers hovering near the buttons, ready to press whichever one he told her.
"Lobby," he said succinctly. This was why he couldn't go visit Elizabeth. This was why he had to stay away from her. Because people like Claudia Zacharra and her family would pounce on the information that he had a son, or even just someone in his life that he cared about, and it could be Jake lying in a hospital bed with Elizabeth crying over him. He wouldn't be responsible for that, and he wouldn't draw anyone's attention to them.
That was why he had to stay away from Elizabeth.
A week and a half later, he saw Elizabeth at the last place he expected to: the police station. She was sitting beside Lucky's desk and then Mac appeared at her side carrying a paper cup.
"Here," the commissioner stated. "I stole some of Robin's herbal tea she keeps stashed in my office. The packet says this is supposed to be calming."
"Thank you, Mac," she whispered, reaching out to take the cup. But her hands were shaking so bad that Mac just set it on the desk beside her.
"You were pretty lucky," the older cop said, placing his hand on her shoulder.
"I had to change Jake's diaper," she answered, and Jason frowned. Jake wasn't here, and neither was Cameron. "If I hadn't…"
"Then I guess it's a good thing he loves to eat applesauce," Lucky smiled, but it wasn't very bright. He looked extremely worried. Nobody seemed completely at ease.
"If we'd left when we were supposed to…we'd have been in the intersection."
"You can't think like that," Mac told her and Lucky nodded.
"It was just an accident," her ex-husband stated. "Driver said he hit the brakes and nothing happened."
"I know," Elizabeth said, her head dropping forward. "I…do you have any more questions, Mac?"
"No," he shook his head. "The officers got all the answers at the scene. I just thought maybe you needed a minute to calm down."
"I just want to go home," she stated.
"You did all you could, Elizabeth. I know you tried to help the family but…"
"Yeah," she sighed wearily as she stood and Jason suddenly saw the blood coating her clothes. "Nobody survives semi versus mini van."
She turned and almost as if drawn by magnets, her gaze met his. Her eyes were haunted, she had a bruise on her forehead and the dried blood didn't still just stain her hands, it covered her. Her dark blouse was even darker and her tan pants were now rust-colored. The sight of her with blood made his stomach clench. He would never forgive himself if that blood had come from one of her children and he was responsible for it being there.
She gasped softly, and then Lucky was at her side, wrapping an arm around her waist. He glared harshly at Jason while supporting Elizabeth to his side. As much as Jason wanted to be the person who was giving Elizabeth strength, he turned and walked out of the police station. He could answer their questions another time, but he couldn't continue to see Elizabeth like that.
"Stone Cold!"
Jason and Sonny looked up as Spinelli burst into the back office of the coffee shop. Sonny looked annoyed, but that was a common emotion when it came to the young computer man, and he was annoyed with everyone since Carly had fought him on taking Michael off life support and had court papers drawn up to prohibit him from being involved in the young boy's medical decisions. Jax had found a medical facility that looked promising for long-term care patients and the entire family had packed up and moved to Switzerland to be near Michael. They'd only been gone a week and Sonny's black mood was steadily growing worse.
"Spinelli," Jason started to say with a shake of his head. "Now's not-"
"What do you want?" Sonny demanded. "Jason's a little busy right now."
"I apologize for the intrusion," the young man said, in nearly normal speech. "But…I…I just heard something about the Maternal One."
"Spinelli," Jason shook his head, his voice hardening.
He knew the hacker disagreed with his decision to stay away from Elizabeth and had been fighting him on it, but he could not deal with another round of it. He was keeping his distance, and it was killing him. It also killed him to break his word to Elizabeth because he hadn't met her when she called him. They'd just gotten a break in the case about Michael's shooter and when he said he had to track something down but would meet her later, she'd suddenly closed off on him and changed her mind. She hadn't called him since.
It wasn't that he wasn't concerned about her. When he'd seen her at the hospital, he'd noticed she'd lost weight, her skin was sallow and she had dark circles under her eyes constantly. She was apparently still shaken over the accident she'd nearly been involved in and had witnessed. Maybe all she'd wanted from him was comfort, but how could he take that chance. Especially since Spinelli had found the first solid clue about Michael's shooting. He couldn't disregard that.
"Stone Cold," the younger man's voice was nearly pleading, but also oddly broken.
"The Maternal One's oldest child…" Spinelli paused and covered his mouth. "He…he nearly drowned. He's at GH."
A stone settled on Jason's chest. "Is he…?"
He couldn't bear to watch another child in a coma from which he might never wake from.
"No," Spinelli shook his head. "He's awake, but they're keeping him for observation. Fair Lulu informed me of what happened when she came in to get coffee for everyone."
"How did Lulu know?" he asked with a frown.
"She and…she and…the…" He paused and then said, looking down at his feet. "She and her brother were with the boys. They'd…they'd taken them fishing."
"Fishing?" Sonny demanded from his desk. "Who takes a toddler fishing? And Jake was with them? What was Lucky doing with Jake?"
The young man said uneasily, "Everyone believes he is little Jacob Martin's father. He…"
Apparently he decided against saying anything more about the charade and just continued on. "Cameron slipped into the water and they didn't realize it at first because Jake was taking his first steps on the blanket he and Lulu were on."
Jason closed his eyes, bile rising up in his throat. His son was now walking…and Elizabeth's son had almost drowned. "Lucky was watching Jake instead of Cameron."
"Yes," Spinelli confirmed. "Lulu feels awful."
"Lucky should feel awful," Sonny said scathingly. "Cameron should have had on a life vest being near the water. What was he thinking?"
"He was…never mind," the young man said with a shake of his head.
"What?" Jason demanded.
"He was spending time with his sons," Spinelli said with uncharacteristic bitterness, and then he turned and left the office.
"Weird kid," Sonny grumbled as the door closed. "Those kids aren't Spencer's."
"Yes," Jason said, swallowing past the lump in his throat. "They are."
"Jake is yours," the older man insisted, turning back to the papers on the desk he and Jason were going over. "At least Lucky wasn't stupid enough to have him by the water."
Jason's head snapped around and he glared at Sonny.
"So because it wasn't my son, then it doesn't matter?" he demanded. "Is that why you wanted to pull the plug on Michael? Because he wasn't Morgan and he wasn't blood?! That's as bad as Lucky refusing to go to rehab when Cameron was in the house but as soon as he found out Elizabeth was pregnant he went off to get clean. Where was his love for Cameron! Why wasn't Cameron enough?!"
Sonny looked at him with wide eyes. "Jason. That isn't why I wanted to take Michael off life support. You know I love that little boy."
"I can't do this," Jason shook his head roughly as he stood. He didn't look at Sonny as he stalked away and out of the coffee shop. His bike was parked nearby and he climbed on, not knowing where he was going but knowing he needed to go fast.
He waited until she brought Cameron home from the hospital and the endless stream of visitors finally left. It was late, but lights were still on in the house. With a heavy sigh and a wipe of his palms over his thighs, he stepped up onto the porch and knocked. He'd made sure Lucky was gone; he didn't want the hovering man around.
Just as he was ready to knock again, the locks were flipped and Elizabeth pulled open the door. She stared at him, her eyes red and puffy, her hair up in a limp and messy ponytail. But she didn't move, aside from the brief moment she swayed towards him and then apparently caught herself and wrapped her arms around her middle.
"What are you doing here?" she asked. Her voice was hard, but it was also tired.
"I…I wanted to see you," he said softly.
"No," she shook her head. "You decided you can't see us and you've stuck to that decision for months. No."
"Elizabeth," he sighed. "You don't know how hard it's been, but it has to be this way. We agreed."
"No," she shook her head. "You decided and I couldn't talk you out of it. You said you'd come if I called, but you didn't, so I decided not to try again. So no, Jason, you can't come in."
"Elizabeth, please," he requested once more. If she stayed firm, then he would walk away. But he could see her wavering, and he pressed.
She looked at him, her mouth twisted to the side and then huffed, "Fine. Let's just get this over with."
Stepping back to let him past, she crossed her arms over her chest and tried to make herself small. As if she didn't want to be close to him. Once he was inside, he turned to look at her and was surprised to see the spark of anger lighting her face.
"Let's see if I can guess how this will go," she said, descending the stairs. "You're sorry for what happened to Cameron. You're also sorry you couldn't come see me at the hospital. But it's just not safe and we have to stick with the decision to stay away from each other and you really love me, but you can't be with me. How'd I do?"
He swallowed in the face of her bitterness. "I am sorry about Cam. How is he doing?"
"He's fine physically," she said. "Now he's petrified of water. My bubbly little boy who loved taking a bath cries each time we enter the bathroom, even if it's just to go potty. I have to give him sponge baths and I don't even know how I'm going to wash his hair, or if he'll scream the entire time I'm trying to give Jake a bath which just made him scream. But he's fine physically."
He wanted to ask if he could help, but knew that he couldn't. Nor did he feel like she'd accept it. She looked exhausted and it was so hard to be this close to her and have to restrain himself from taking her in his arms.
"So," Elizabeth raised a brow. "Did I cover everything you wanted to say? Because if I did, then you can go."
"I know that you're angry with me," he began.
"No, I'm beyond angry," she corrected. "But that's only when I can muster up the energy. Most days, I simply can't."
"Are you okay?" he asked. The question slipped out before he could stop it, and he felt foolish for asking because he could see that she wasn't.
"No, Jason," she said bluntly. "I am far from okay. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm as far from okay as a person can possibly be right now. But I can't deal with you asking that question…so, please…if there's nothing left to say, then you have to go. You can't make this any tougher on me than it already is."
"I'm-I'm sorry that I hurt you," he said, his voice thick and his eyes burning.
"I'm sorry, too," she nodded. "Because I thought we were getting our chance. That after everything, the pushing, the running, the mistrust, the…" She threw up her hands. "Everything. I thought we were finally getting a chance. A break. But it didn't happen."
She paused and she licked her lips. "A part of me understands. I understand why you're scared and why you feel like you can't take a chance with Jake and Cameron and me. Because despite doing your best, Michael ended up in a coma."
Then she shook her head. "But the thing is, Jason, you didn't do your best. Because it wasn't all your responsibility. Michael had two parents. And a stepfather. And while I know you love him, you aren't his father and you can't make all the decisions for his life. That fell to Sonny and Carly and Sonny is the one who decided to ignore everyone's warnings and not have guards at the warehouse. You told him he needed them, but Sonny's the boss and he said no. So how is this all your fault?"
Pointing at the stairs she said, as her voice hitched, "There is a little boy up there that I know you would give your life to protect. You're already giving your heart by walking away from him. But you wouldn't have taken Cameron or Jake to the warehouse without guards. You wouldn't have done what Sonny did. But now you're failing your son because Micahel's father failed him.
"I've done a lot of thinking these past couple of months…danger can come from anywhere," she stated with a quavering voice.
"Tom Baker had nothing to do you."
He flinched at the way she so blandly said her rapist's name and spoke of that time.
"Helena Cassadine had nothing to do with you and I didn't drink poison because of you."
Jason looked away.
"Jake's kidnapping had nothing to do with you. The house fire had nothing to do with you. The fact that I could have died, and would have, if the daycare worker hadn't insisted Cameron go home and my grandmother was out of town had nothing to do with you. The accident I was almost in had nothing to do with you. And the fact that Cameron almost drowned had nothing to do with you."
She took a breath and then said, in a slow voice, "Actually, that's not true."
His head whipped up. "What?"
"If you hadn't lied to me and backed out of our engagement, then Lucky would have never had those boys. I can guarantee that if we'd gone public and gone ahead with our lives together like we were planning, then Lucky wouldn't have taken the boys fishing. But the fact that Michael got shot and I was miserable because you pushed me away, gave Lucky his foot in the door. He kept coming around, talking to me, saying how he finally understood why we'd lied and decided to keep Jake's paternity a secret. He wanted to spend more time with the boys, and he'd show up unexpectedly and then he started using Cameron to get his way and I just didn't have the energy to keep fighting him."
Her voice broke and tears slid down her face. "I missed you so much, and I was hurt, and I was lonely and I wasn't sleeping and then after the accident I was so shaken up and there was Lucky, offering to take the boys and help out and I just…I couldn't keep saying no and I just…I gave in because I was exhausted. I didn't think it was a good idea, but I just didn't have the energy to fight anymore."
Jason closed his eyes, trying to block out the pain in her face, but it didn't hide her voice.
"And Lucky was there when Jake took his first steps instead of me, and he turned his back and Cameron fell in the water and…." Elizabeth sighed and Jason dared to observe her. Her arms were folded around her middle. "I was mad at Lucky and I blamed him, and then I blamed you in my mind, and then I realized… Blame wasn't going to fix anything. It didn't fix anything when Carly blamed Sonny, and it didn't fix anything when Sonny blamed you, and it didn't fix anything when you blamed yourself, and I wasn't going to fix anything by blaming Lucky or you. I told myself to just focus on my son.
"But then," she said, tipping her head to the side. "I realized something. I realized that hiding the truth never works. And all this time we've just been reacting, and that's especially what I've been doing since you walked away. But reacting and hiding and hoping that the truth about Jake never comes out isn't going to work. Too many people know. And some of them are people who I can't trust to keep their mouths shut anymore."
Something in her words and in her tone set off warning bells in Jason's mind and he took a step towards her. "Elizabeth, what…what are you talking about?"
"When I got upset with Lucky at the hospital, Lulu had the nerve to tell me that I should remember that Lucky's doing me a favor," she said. "And then Sam didn't like the fact that Lucky was hanging around the hospital, sitting by Cameron's bedside, and there's this doctor that she's become….close to, or interested in…I don't even know. I came around the corner and she was complaining to Dr. Devlin that she hated that Lucky was spending so much time with me. That he was doing all these things for me, including pretending to be a father to a child that wasn't his."
Jason's fists clenched at his side. They suspected that Dr. Devlin was somehow involved in Michael's shooting; they just hadn't been able to connect it. But Spinelli was digging and he'd linked Devlin to Jerry Jacks, and there were rumblings of pharmaceutical dealings. To know that Sam was spending time with him, and that she was talking about Lucky and was bitter…. He remembered her telling Amelia and Carly because she was upset and trying to tell Lucky.
"She stopped talking as soon as she saw me," Elizabeth continued. "And when Dr. Devlin asked her what she meant, she looked away and said that Cameron wasn't Lucky's son and some other stuff like that and tried to cover. But…I can't trust her to keep quiet. And I'm not going to be sitting around caught unaware when someone tells the wrong person, or the wrong person overhears some conversation and puts it all together that Jake is your son and decides to come after me."
A knot formed in Jason's stomach. "I…I could have guards watch you."
She looked at him and shook her head. "No, Jason, because what does that accomplish? If we have guards, someone will notice. And they'll wonder and the thing is, I would accept guards if I thought you would change your mind. But I know that you'll still stay away from us. Because even if we have guards, you'll still claim that it's too dangerous for you to be around us."
He frowned at her and demanded, "So you're trying to blackmail me? You'll accept the guards only if I give in?"
"No," she shook her head. "That's not it at all. I'm saying that I'm tired of reacting to everything. I'm tired of sticking my head in the sand and acting like if I can't see it, then it's not there looming. Too many people know that Jake is your son for it to remain a secret forever. I'm going to be proactive. I'm going to make decisions instead of scrambling to keep up with the decisions other people have made."
"So what are you saying?" he asked, tipping his head to the side in suspicion. "Are you going to tell everyone Jake is my son?"
Elizabeth sighed and shook her head. "No, because it's not what you want. You're not ready to take that risk, and I won't force that on you. I'm doing what I can to protect my family the best way I can and not except others to do it for me."
"And how are you planning to do that?"
"We're going to leave for a little while," she stated, meeting his gaze for only a moment and then looking away. "I don't think anyone would question why, after everything that's happened to us in the past couple months, if I decided to take the boys away from here for a while. Starting with the fire, and then Leyla dying when she was covering my shift and the guilt that I feel that I'm the reason a woman died."
Tears filled her eyes and the anguish she felt radiated off her. "And then there are the nightmares I have of watching a semi truck roll over a mini van because its brakes failed and the family inside died despite everything I tried to do to help them. And then my son almost drowned because the man that you and I thought was safer for the boys didn't pay attention to him."
She looked at him and said with such depth of pain, but desperation also for him to understand. "I'm not doing this an ultimatum, Jason. I won't do that to us. I've just seen so much that has absolutely nothing to do with you and I can't understand why it's safer for us to be apart. Bad luck and poor timing is everywhere and I'm especially not going to stay here and become a sitting duck for one of your enemies to find out about Jake."
"Even if you leave, if someone finds out, they might still come after you," he couldn't help but point out.
"Maybe," she conceded, even though she clearly hated the thought.
"But maybe they won't. And if I…if I change our names and cut all ties to Port Charles, and especially since I know you won't look for us…" She trailed off and let the words hang between them. He wouldn't seek her out because he would do everything to keep his son and Elizabeth safe, even give them up. He'd already done it; now they would just be gone from Port Charles.
The thought killed him. He would have absolutely no knowledge of Elizabeth or Jake or Cameron. He wouldn't occasionally see them, or hear about them, or know that they were nearby. She would be gone. Since he couldn't leave Port Charles, she had apparently decided to.
"What about your grandmother?" he asked. "And Lucky?"
"Lucky's conceded to my request that he stay away and break contact with us. He feels guilty about Cameron and he vowed he wouldn't fight if I took the boys." She twisted her hands together, "And my grandmother. My grandmother was…she was diagnosed with cancer. She's going to go to New York City where Steven is and enter treatment there, but it…it doesn't look good. Part of my going away is to get her settled into the center there."
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
She swallowed and then firmed her shoulders. "I…I hate the thought of taking Jake away from here and you. I know that even if you see him from a distance it's something. But I also know how hard it must be for you, because it kills me every time I see you and know that I have to look away and I can't walk over to you and talk to you and be with you. So maybe this will be better for all of us. There's no way to have a clean break from you while we're living in the same town. I…I remember all the times we've had together. Our kisses, the times you held Jake, the times you were a friend to Cameron and I just…maybe the only way to truly get past it is to leave it all behind."
Jason knew this had been hard on her, just as it had been hard on him. Her accusations stung him, but he had to stay strong. He couldn't give in just because he was afraid of them going away and losing them forever.
"We've always said that our timing seems to be against us," she said softly. "Maybe we'll never get it right and it's better to just stop fighting for it. I just hope that our timing, or luck or whatever it was that has protected me and the boys continues to hold out. Because if we cut all ties to you and something happens to us anyways…I don't know how I'd handle it, Jason."
"You…you'll be fine," he told her, because he had to believe it. It's what he told himself when he first walked away after Michael's shooting and every time he denied himself the ability to go to her. Even as he watched and felt stunned at the things that had nearly happened to her, he told himself that at least it wasn't his life. At least he wouldn't be responsible.
"So-so when are you planning to leave?"
"End of the week," she answered. "Do…do you want to look in on Jake before you go? He's asleep."
He shook his head. He couldn't see his son and not want to hold him, and if he woke him up he'd want to spend time with him and it just was better if he walked away. "No."
"Okay," she whispered, clearly hurt by his choice. "Then…then I guess this is it."
He nodded, even though it hurt. Walking towards her, he stopped, hesitating a moment, before starting to lower his head. He was shocked, and hurt, when she turned her head away and said, "No. No more kisses. Kisses should be promises for the future, not endings. Because that's not fair and it's not right. We're not going to see each other again; this is good-bye."
"Okay," he answered raggedly.
She wouldn't look at him as he walked past her towards the door, she didn't follow his movements, and when he stopped at the top of the landing and looked back, she was looking down, the slightest tremor in her shoulders. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, that he would always love their son, and that all he wanted was for them to be safe, but he knew that words would be empty and he couldn't bring himself to say them. Instead, he walked out of the house and left everything he wanted behind.
Two days later he was once again in Sonny's office, going over the evidence that Spinelli had collected that finally linked Dr. Ian Devlin to Michael's shooting. Sonny was ready to rush off and kill the doctor now, and Jason was doing his best to keep him calm and make his friend think rationally. It was the only way he could think rationally about the fact that Elizabeth and the boys were leaving tomorrow. He had to throw himself into his work and keep Sonny from spiraling out of control and making a move before they could find out who was the money behind Devlin.
The door burst open and Spinelli strode into the room. It was an uncharacteristic move for the young man and Jason wondered what sort of drama had happened now with Maxie or Lulu that he'd start going on about.
"Stone Cold," he began, his voice tight, and much calmer than Jason had expected. "Mr. Corinthos, Sir."
"What is it?" Sonny demanded.
"I have come to inform you of my decision to no longer be in your employ once we have all those responsible for the tragic shooting of little Michael."
"Jackal, P.I. doing that well?" Sonny scoffed.
"No, sir," Spinelli said, twisting his hands together and shifting on his feet. "The Jackal will be leaving Port Charles. I have decided that much as I am thankful for all the protection, help and former friendship I have received here, I can no longer stay."
Sonny looked at Jason and asked, "What is he going on about?"
Jason looked at Spinelli and had a sinking feeling, based on the way the younger man steadily refused to meet his gaze. He sighed, "Spinelli…"
"No," the younger man said with unheard of sharpness. "I have always looked up to you and admired you, Stone Cold. I have tried to make you my mentor and learn from you. But this…this is just stupid and I can't believe you or anything you say anymore."
"Spinelli," he tried, "this isn't the time or the place. We can talk when I get home."
"I no longer will be staying in the regrettably pink room. I have rented a room above Kelly's. Reduced rate as long as I keep all the appliances in the kitchen running smoothly," he said with a little smirk and a bounce on his feet. But it quickly faded. "I am still researching the background of Dr. Devil and for anything that indicates why he took the shot that resulted in such a tragic event. But I will not stay with you any longer."
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, Spinelli."
"Forget it," was the retort. "You love Elizabeth and Jake and even little Cameron. But you have walked away from them. And now they're not even going to be nearby, they're leaving town. Lulu was telling Mike, saying that Lucky was so broken up over Cameron's accident that he wasn't fighting it. He said it would be good for Elizabeth to get away for a little while, spend some time with her grandmother."
He looked down and somewhat sheepishly said, "I went to speak to the Maternal One and…and I discovered the truth. She's not planning on coming back. She told me what you did and I… You had everything, Stone Cold, and now you'll have nothing. She asked me to look out for you; to make sure you didn't work too hard and forget to eat and take care of yourself. After you proposed to her-"
"What?" Sonny barked out.
"And then walked away from her when you'd promised to be a family with her, she's still looking out for you."
Narrowing his eyes at the boy who had the audacity to think he could judge him, Jason said, "I never want Elizabeth to go through what Carly did. I never want to be the reason why her child is hurt or she is."
"Forgive me for saying so, but you would never be as stupid as Mr. Corinthos was. Everyone, including yourself, told him to have guards. Guards that would have done perimeter sweeps and would have been watching and seen the reflection of the rifle before it was too late."
"Get out of here," Sonny angrily demanded, standing up and slamming his fist down on the desk.
Jason stood to keep himself between the two men and said, "Spinelli."
"Cameron nearly died because the two of you thought that a recovering drug addict who spends time with the woman who watched your son get kidnapped is the better father figure and safer for those boys," Spinelli said in distress. "None of the things that happened had anything to do with your business. But they would have been dead just the same. So would you have done a dance and said 'well, at least it wasn't because of me'?"
"You're out of line, Spinelli," Jason warned low in his throat.
"And you're stupid," the younger man shot back. "What if something happens to them when they're not even here? What if Elizabeth gets mugged and killed by some crazed out druggie as she's leaving work one night and her boys are sent into foster care because nobody knows that there's family alive who would take them? What are you going to do then?"
He paused a moment and then asked, "What are you going to do when Jake realizes one day that his father didn't want him? That he didn't want him enough to fight for him and try to find some way to make it work? My father didn't want me and left me with my granny. What are you going to do when Jake comes to the same realization I did, that he just wasn't worth it?"
"Shut up!" Jason shouted, jabbing his finger at Spinelli and then the door. "Go find out who's behind Dr. Devlin and do your job."
The younger man adjusted the messenger bag slung over his shoulder and said, "I will. And then I'm also going to erase every last trace of Elizabeth Webber and her sons and make sure that they're hidden from everybody. Including you. You will never be able to find them, even if one day you pull your head out and realize that you had everything in your hands and you threw it away because you are nothing more than a coward."
Then the young man fairly flew from the room, whether from fear or anger was hard to decipher. Jason stared at the door, his shoulders tense and his chest heaving. He took two steps forward, slammed the steel structure and then turned around.
"You proposed to Elizabeth?"
"I don't want to talk about it, Sonny," he shook his head. "I did what I had to do for my family and it's done."
"I taught you everything," his friend shook his head sadly. "Including how to repeat all my mistakes."
"It's done," he repeated, an edge entering his voice. "I will never put Elizabeth in the same position Carly was with Michael. If that means I never see my son or her again, then…then that's just the way it will have to be."
"Jason," Sonny began.
"What am I supposed to do, Sonny?" he demanded, flinging his arms out to the side. "Hope that it never happens to them? Wonder if every day will be the day some enemy of ours takes a shot at one of them or tries to kidnap them to get something from us? Am I supposed to live like that?"
"Are you living now?" the other man asked softly. "Are you going to worry just as much, or maybe even more, if they're somewhere and you have no idea what's going on? What happens if despite everything you've done, someone still finds out about Jake and goes after him and Elizabeth isn't protected at all? Or what happens if another semi's brakes fail?"
"The chances of those happening are small," he insisted. "The chances of our enemies coming after them here in Port Charles are greater."
Sonny sat down and rested his head in hands. "Are they?" he asked. "I'm not sure of much anymore."
"All the more reason to keep Jake and Elizabeth safe."
"And yet, they had some very close calls," Sonny pointed out. "And Cameron nearly died because Lucky was negligent. And that's who you think is best to raise your son?"
"Lucky won't be around them anymore," he shook his head.
"You're going to be stubborn on this, aren't you?" his friend asked with a wry shake of his head.
"I have to keep Elizabeth and her boys alive. Which means I can't be near them."
"Then I hope that nothing ever happens to them after they leave. Because how will you live with yourself then?"
Also, while I understand Spinelli, I don't speak Spinelli or write Spinelli. I wasn't going to sit around trying to be clever and convoluted and witty. Maybe you'll just indulge me on this and believe that Spinelli wouldn't be quite his loquacious self on such a serious subject.
Jason sighed heavily as he stepped out of Michael's room and into the bright hospital hallway. Jax was once again trying to get Carly to come home with him to rest for a little while and spend some time with Morgan and the grieving mother was refusing to leave her oldest son's bedside. She didn't want Sonny near him and Jason had offered to stay with Michael so she could get some rest, but she was still resisting. He'd left in the hopes of giving the married couple privacy, but also because it was time for rounds and he didn't want to see Elizabeth.
In the two weeks since he'd walked away from her at her house, Jason had been doing his best to not see Elizabeth. It was impossible not to think of her, but he knew that for the sake of the woman he loved and her children that he had to keep his distance. In order to do that, he tried his best to minimize contact with her. It hurt too much to see her and know that he couldn't be with her. That he couldn't hold her, that he couldn't kiss her, that he couldn't love her because it would bring too much danger to her life. She was often the nurse assigned to Michael's room and he didn't know that he could bear to see her today.
Yet as he neared the nurses' hub on his way to get some coffee, he saw her. Standing in the middle of her colleagues, she looked pale and upset. A blonde haired nurse he'd seen around and Epiphany were standing near her, almost supporting her, and Dr. Lee and Robin were nearby as well. Snatches of their conversation floated to him and he couldn't make it out.
"It's horrible."
"I can't believe what happened."
"Are they sure?"
But it was Elizabeth's voice that carried to him above all the others, even though it was the softest and the shakiest. "It was supposed to be me."
Robin shook her head, "You can't think like that, Elizabeth. And you can't blame yourself."
"But it was supposed to be…I was supposed to…I couldn't because Gram is out of town and couldn't watch the boys and the daycare wouldn't keep Cam because his eye was red and they thought he was getting pink eye and so I…" She trailed off and then repeated, "It was supposed to be me."
Dr. Lee gave Elizabeth a hug and Jason stopped himself from going near her. He'd already taken two steps before he was aware of it and he knew he couldn't get any closer. No matter how much he wanted to.
"I…I need to go," Elizabeth said. "I…I need to see the boys."
"Of course," Epiphany nodded. "Go hug your boys and take a break."
As Elizabeth stepped out of the hub and towards the elevator, Jason took a step back, keeping out of her line of sight.
"So Cameron isn't sick?" the blonde nurse asked. "Since he's in daycare?"
"It's allergies," Robin answered with a shake of her head. "Elizabeth asked me to take a look at him since I was here. It wasn't pink eye, so he's back at day care today."
"Alright," Epiphany said with mock gruffness, breaking up the group of women. "Back to work."
She looked over directly at Jason and suddenly the enforcer felt like he'd been caught doing something illegal. But he'd been spotted and he wouldn't ignore Stan's mother, especially since he and Spinelli hadn't yet figured out who was responsible for her son's death, and he slowly walked up to the older woman.
"Is uh…is everything alright?" he asked, scratching his eyebrow with his thumb.
"One of our colleagues was killed last night," Epiphany informed him. "Elizabeth just heard about it."
"Were…were they close?" he asked with a frown, wondering whose death would upset Elizabeth that much. He hadn't seen her that close to breaking since she sat with Emily's body that night at Wyndemere.
"Not especially," the nurse answered. "But Nurse Mir covered Elizabeth's shift down in the ER last night because she had to leave."
"What happened?" Jason pressed.
"Leyla was waiting out in the ambulance bay with a doctor to intake a patient when she was hit by a car. A man was driving himself to the hospital when he had a heart attack and died behind the wheel, losing control. Leyla was killed instantly as she was pinned against the building and the doctor's now in traction and dealing with a punctured lung."
His eyes opened wide before he blinked and stepped back. "Uh…thank you. I…"
"Dr. Drake should be meeting with Mrs. Jacks in about half an hour to discuss Michael's latest tests," Epiphany told him knowingly, and Jason nodded.
Then he turned and went to the elevator banks, punching the button repeatedly. The doors slid open and he stepped on before he was aware of the other passengers, but as he reached to press the button for the daycare floor, he stopped. Claudia Zacharra stood near the panel, giving him what he was sure she considered a flirtatious smirk.
"Going down?" she asked, her fingers hovering near the buttons, ready to press whichever one he told her.
"Lobby," he said succinctly. This was why he couldn't go visit Elizabeth. This was why he had to stay away from her. Because people like Claudia Zacharra and her family would pounce on the information that he had a son, or even just someone in his life that he cared about, and it could be Jake lying in a hospital bed with Elizabeth crying over him. He wouldn't be responsible for that, and he wouldn't draw anyone's attention to them.
That was why he had to stay away from Elizabeth.
~*~*~*~*~
A week and a half later, he saw Elizabeth at the last place he expected to: the police station. She was sitting beside Lucky's desk and then Mac appeared at her side carrying a paper cup.
"Here," the commissioner stated. "I stole some of Robin's herbal tea she keeps stashed in my office. The packet says this is supposed to be calming."
"Thank you, Mac," she whispered, reaching out to take the cup. But her hands were shaking so bad that Mac just set it on the desk beside her.
"You were pretty lucky," the older cop said, placing his hand on her shoulder.
"I had to change Jake's diaper," she answered, and Jason frowned. Jake wasn't here, and neither was Cameron. "If I hadn't…"
"Then I guess it's a good thing he loves to eat applesauce," Lucky smiled, but it wasn't very bright. He looked extremely worried. Nobody seemed completely at ease.
"If we'd left when we were supposed to…we'd have been in the intersection."
"You can't think like that," Mac told her and Lucky nodded.
"It was just an accident," her ex-husband stated. "Driver said he hit the brakes and nothing happened."
"I know," Elizabeth said, her head dropping forward. "I…do you have any more questions, Mac?"
"No," he shook his head. "The officers got all the answers at the scene. I just thought maybe you needed a minute to calm down."
"I just want to go home," she stated.
"You did all you could, Elizabeth. I know you tried to help the family but…"
"Yeah," she sighed wearily as she stood and Jason suddenly saw the blood coating her clothes. "Nobody survives semi versus mini van."
She turned and almost as if drawn by magnets, her gaze met his. Her eyes were haunted, she had a bruise on her forehead and the dried blood didn't still just stain her hands, it covered her. Her dark blouse was even darker and her tan pants were now rust-colored. The sight of her with blood made his stomach clench. He would never forgive himself if that blood had come from one of her children and he was responsible for it being there.
She gasped softly, and then Lucky was at her side, wrapping an arm around her waist. He glared harshly at Jason while supporting Elizabeth to his side. As much as Jason wanted to be the person who was giving Elizabeth strength, he turned and walked out of the police station. He could answer their questions another time, but he couldn't continue to see Elizabeth like that.
~*~*~*~*~
"Stone Cold!"
Jason and Sonny looked up as Spinelli burst into the back office of the coffee shop. Sonny looked annoyed, but that was a common emotion when it came to the young computer man, and he was annoyed with everyone since Carly had fought him on taking Michael off life support and had court papers drawn up to prohibit him from being involved in the young boy's medical decisions. Jax had found a medical facility that looked promising for long-term care patients and the entire family had packed up and moved to Switzerland to be near Michael. They'd only been gone a week and Sonny's black mood was steadily growing worse.
"Spinelli," Jason started to say with a shake of his head. "Now's not-"
"What do you want?" Sonny demanded. "Jason's a little busy right now."
"I apologize for the intrusion," the young man said, in nearly normal speech. "But…I…I just heard something about the Maternal One."
"Spinelli," Jason shook his head, his voice hardening.
He knew the hacker disagreed with his decision to stay away from Elizabeth and had been fighting him on it, but he could not deal with another round of it. He was keeping his distance, and it was killing him. It also killed him to break his word to Elizabeth because he hadn't met her when she called him. They'd just gotten a break in the case about Michael's shooter and when he said he had to track something down but would meet her later, she'd suddenly closed off on him and changed her mind. She hadn't called him since.
It wasn't that he wasn't concerned about her. When he'd seen her at the hospital, he'd noticed she'd lost weight, her skin was sallow and she had dark circles under her eyes constantly. She was apparently still shaken over the accident she'd nearly been involved in and had witnessed. Maybe all she'd wanted from him was comfort, but how could he take that chance. Especially since Spinelli had found the first solid clue about Michael's shooting. He couldn't disregard that.
"Stone Cold," the younger man's voice was nearly pleading, but also oddly broken.
"The Maternal One's oldest child…" Spinelli paused and covered his mouth. "He…he nearly drowned. He's at GH."
A stone settled on Jason's chest. "Is he…?"
He couldn't bear to watch another child in a coma from which he might never wake from.
"No," Spinelli shook his head. "He's awake, but they're keeping him for observation. Fair Lulu informed me of what happened when she came in to get coffee for everyone."
"How did Lulu know?" he asked with a frown.
"She and…she and…the…" He paused and then said, looking down at his feet. "She and her brother were with the boys. They'd…they'd taken them fishing."
"Fishing?" Sonny demanded from his desk. "Who takes a toddler fishing? And Jake was with them? What was Lucky doing with Jake?"
The young man said uneasily, "Everyone believes he is little Jacob Martin's father. He…"
Apparently he decided against saying anything more about the charade and just continued on. "Cameron slipped into the water and they didn't realize it at first because Jake was taking his first steps on the blanket he and Lulu were on."
Jason closed his eyes, bile rising up in his throat. His son was now walking…and Elizabeth's son had almost drowned. "Lucky was watching Jake instead of Cameron."
"Yes," Spinelli confirmed. "Lulu feels awful."
"Lucky should feel awful," Sonny said scathingly. "Cameron should have had on a life vest being near the water. What was he thinking?"
"He was…never mind," the young man said with a shake of his head.
"What?" Jason demanded.
"He was spending time with his sons," Spinelli said with uncharacteristic bitterness, and then he turned and left the office.
"Weird kid," Sonny grumbled as the door closed. "Those kids aren't Spencer's."
"Yes," Jason said, swallowing past the lump in his throat. "They are."
"Jake is yours," the older man insisted, turning back to the papers on the desk he and Jason were going over. "At least Lucky wasn't stupid enough to have him by the water."
Jason's head snapped around and he glared at Sonny.
"So because it wasn't my son, then it doesn't matter?" he demanded. "Is that why you wanted to pull the plug on Michael? Because he wasn't Morgan and he wasn't blood?! That's as bad as Lucky refusing to go to rehab when Cameron was in the house but as soon as he found out Elizabeth was pregnant he went off to get clean. Where was his love for Cameron! Why wasn't Cameron enough?!"
Sonny looked at him with wide eyes. "Jason. That isn't why I wanted to take Michael off life support. You know I love that little boy."
"I can't do this," Jason shook his head roughly as he stood. He didn't look at Sonny as he stalked away and out of the coffee shop. His bike was parked nearby and he climbed on, not knowing where he was going but knowing he needed to go fast.
~*~*~*~*~
He waited until she brought Cameron home from the hospital and the endless stream of visitors finally left. It was late, but lights were still on in the house. With a heavy sigh and a wipe of his palms over his thighs, he stepped up onto the porch and knocked. He'd made sure Lucky was gone; he didn't want the hovering man around.
Just as he was ready to knock again, the locks were flipped and Elizabeth pulled open the door. She stared at him, her eyes red and puffy, her hair up in a limp and messy ponytail. But she didn't move, aside from the brief moment she swayed towards him and then apparently caught herself and wrapped her arms around her middle.
"What are you doing here?" she asked. Her voice was hard, but it was also tired.
"I…I wanted to see you," he said softly.
"No," she shook her head. "You decided you can't see us and you've stuck to that decision for months. No."
"Elizabeth," he sighed. "You don't know how hard it's been, but it has to be this way. We agreed."
"No," she shook her head. "You decided and I couldn't talk you out of it. You said you'd come if I called, but you didn't, so I decided not to try again. So no, Jason, you can't come in."
"Elizabeth, please," he requested once more. If she stayed firm, then he would walk away. But he could see her wavering, and he pressed.
She looked at him, her mouth twisted to the side and then huffed, "Fine. Let's just get this over with."
Stepping back to let him past, she crossed her arms over her chest and tried to make herself small. As if she didn't want to be close to him. Once he was inside, he turned to look at her and was surprised to see the spark of anger lighting her face.
"Let's see if I can guess how this will go," she said, descending the stairs. "You're sorry for what happened to Cameron. You're also sorry you couldn't come see me at the hospital. But it's just not safe and we have to stick with the decision to stay away from each other and you really love me, but you can't be with me. How'd I do?"
He swallowed in the face of her bitterness. "I am sorry about Cam. How is he doing?"
"He's fine physically," she said. "Now he's petrified of water. My bubbly little boy who loved taking a bath cries each time we enter the bathroom, even if it's just to go potty. I have to give him sponge baths and I don't even know how I'm going to wash his hair, or if he'll scream the entire time I'm trying to give Jake a bath which just made him scream. But he's fine physically."
He wanted to ask if he could help, but knew that he couldn't. Nor did he feel like she'd accept it. She looked exhausted and it was so hard to be this close to her and have to restrain himself from taking her in his arms.
"So," Elizabeth raised a brow. "Did I cover everything you wanted to say? Because if I did, then you can go."
"I know that you're angry with me," he began.
"No, I'm beyond angry," she corrected. "But that's only when I can muster up the energy. Most days, I simply can't."
"Are you okay?" he asked. The question slipped out before he could stop it, and he felt foolish for asking because he could see that she wasn't.
"No, Jason," she said bluntly. "I am far from okay. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm as far from okay as a person can possibly be right now. But I can't deal with you asking that question…so, please…if there's nothing left to say, then you have to go. You can't make this any tougher on me than it already is."
"I'm-I'm sorry that I hurt you," he said, his voice thick and his eyes burning.
"I'm sorry, too," she nodded. "Because I thought we were getting our chance. That after everything, the pushing, the running, the mistrust, the…" She threw up her hands. "Everything. I thought we were finally getting a chance. A break. But it didn't happen."
She paused and she licked her lips. "A part of me understands. I understand why you're scared and why you feel like you can't take a chance with Jake and Cameron and me. Because despite doing your best, Michael ended up in a coma."
Then she shook her head. "But the thing is, Jason, you didn't do your best. Because it wasn't all your responsibility. Michael had two parents. And a stepfather. And while I know you love him, you aren't his father and you can't make all the decisions for his life. That fell to Sonny and Carly and Sonny is the one who decided to ignore everyone's warnings and not have guards at the warehouse. You told him he needed them, but Sonny's the boss and he said no. So how is this all your fault?"
Pointing at the stairs she said, as her voice hitched, "There is a little boy up there that I know you would give your life to protect. You're already giving your heart by walking away from him. But you wouldn't have taken Cameron or Jake to the warehouse without guards. You wouldn't have done what Sonny did. But now you're failing your son because Micahel's father failed him.
"I've done a lot of thinking these past couple of months…danger can come from anywhere," she stated with a quavering voice.
"Tom Baker had nothing to do you."
He flinched at the way she so blandly said her rapist's name and spoke of that time.
"Helena Cassadine had nothing to do with you and I didn't drink poison because of you."
Jason looked away.
"Jake's kidnapping had nothing to do with you. The house fire had nothing to do with you. The fact that I could have died, and would have, if the daycare worker hadn't insisted Cameron go home and my grandmother was out of town had nothing to do with you. The accident I was almost in had nothing to do with you. And the fact that Cameron almost drowned had nothing to do with you."
She took a breath and then said, in a slow voice, "Actually, that's not true."
His head whipped up. "What?"
"If you hadn't lied to me and backed out of our engagement, then Lucky would have never had those boys. I can guarantee that if we'd gone public and gone ahead with our lives together like we were planning, then Lucky wouldn't have taken the boys fishing. But the fact that Michael got shot and I was miserable because you pushed me away, gave Lucky his foot in the door. He kept coming around, talking to me, saying how he finally understood why we'd lied and decided to keep Jake's paternity a secret. He wanted to spend more time with the boys, and he'd show up unexpectedly and then he started using Cameron to get his way and I just didn't have the energy to keep fighting him."
Her voice broke and tears slid down her face. "I missed you so much, and I was hurt, and I was lonely and I wasn't sleeping and then after the accident I was so shaken up and there was Lucky, offering to take the boys and help out and I just…I couldn't keep saying no and I just…I gave in because I was exhausted. I didn't think it was a good idea, but I just didn't have the energy to fight anymore."
Jason closed his eyes, trying to block out the pain in her face, but it didn't hide her voice.
"And Lucky was there when Jake took his first steps instead of me, and he turned his back and Cameron fell in the water and…." Elizabeth sighed and Jason dared to observe her. Her arms were folded around her middle. "I was mad at Lucky and I blamed him, and then I blamed you in my mind, and then I realized… Blame wasn't going to fix anything. It didn't fix anything when Carly blamed Sonny, and it didn't fix anything when Sonny blamed you, and it didn't fix anything when you blamed yourself, and I wasn't going to fix anything by blaming Lucky or you. I told myself to just focus on my son.
"But then," she said, tipping her head to the side. "I realized something. I realized that hiding the truth never works. And all this time we've just been reacting, and that's especially what I've been doing since you walked away. But reacting and hiding and hoping that the truth about Jake never comes out isn't going to work. Too many people know. And some of them are people who I can't trust to keep their mouths shut anymore."
Something in her words and in her tone set off warning bells in Jason's mind and he took a step towards her. "Elizabeth, what…what are you talking about?"
"When I got upset with Lucky at the hospital, Lulu had the nerve to tell me that I should remember that Lucky's doing me a favor," she said. "And then Sam didn't like the fact that Lucky was hanging around the hospital, sitting by Cameron's bedside, and there's this doctor that she's become….close to, or interested in…I don't even know. I came around the corner and she was complaining to Dr. Devlin that she hated that Lucky was spending so much time with me. That he was doing all these things for me, including pretending to be a father to a child that wasn't his."
Jason's fists clenched at his side. They suspected that Dr. Devlin was somehow involved in Michael's shooting; they just hadn't been able to connect it. But Spinelli was digging and he'd linked Devlin to Jerry Jacks, and there were rumblings of pharmaceutical dealings. To know that Sam was spending time with him, and that she was talking about Lucky and was bitter…. He remembered her telling Amelia and Carly because she was upset and trying to tell Lucky.
"She stopped talking as soon as she saw me," Elizabeth continued. "And when Dr. Devlin asked her what she meant, she looked away and said that Cameron wasn't Lucky's son and some other stuff like that and tried to cover. But…I can't trust her to keep quiet. And I'm not going to be sitting around caught unaware when someone tells the wrong person, or the wrong person overhears some conversation and puts it all together that Jake is your son and decides to come after me."
A knot formed in Jason's stomach. "I…I could have guards watch you."
She looked at him and shook her head. "No, Jason, because what does that accomplish? If we have guards, someone will notice. And they'll wonder and the thing is, I would accept guards if I thought you would change your mind. But I know that you'll still stay away from us. Because even if we have guards, you'll still claim that it's too dangerous for you to be around us."
He frowned at her and demanded, "So you're trying to blackmail me? You'll accept the guards only if I give in?"
"No," she shook her head. "That's not it at all. I'm saying that I'm tired of reacting to everything. I'm tired of sticking my head in the sand and acting like if I can't see it, then it's not there looming. Too many people know that Jake is your son for it to remain a secret forever. I'm going to be proactive. I'm going to make decisions instead of scrambling to keep up with the decisions other people have made."
"So what are you saying?" he asked, tipping his head to the side in suspicion. "Are you going to tell everyone Jake is my son?"
Elizabeth sighed and shook her head. "No, because it's not what you want. You're not ready to take that risk, and I won't force that on you. I'm doing what I can to protect my family the best way I can and not except others to do it for me."
"And how are you planning to do that?"
"We're going to leave for a little while," she stated, meeting his gaze for only a moment and then looking away. "I don't think anyone would question why, after everything that's happened to us in the past couple months, if I decided to take the boys away from here for a while. Starting with the fire, and then Leyla dying when she was covering my shift and the guilt that I feel that I'm the reason a woman died."
Tears filled her eyes and the anguish she felt radiated off her. "And then there are the nightmares I have of watching a semi truck roll over a mini van because its brakes failed and the family inside died despite everything I tried to do to help them. And then my son almost drowned because the man that you and I thought was safer for the boys didn't pay attention to him."
She looked at him and said with such depth of pain, but desperation also for him to understand. "I'm not doing this an ultimatum, Jason. I won't do that to us. I've just seen so much that has absolutely nothing to do with you and I can't understand why it's safer for us to be apart. Bad luck and poor timing is everywhere and I'm especially not going to stay here and become a sitting duck for one of your enemies to find out about Jake."
"Even if you leave, if someone finds out, they might still come after you," he couldn't help but point out.
"Maybe," she conceded, even though she clearly hated the thought.
"But maybe they won't. And if I…if I change our names and cut all ties to Port Charles, and especially since I know you won't look for us…" She trailed off and let the words hang between them. He wouldn't seek her out because he would do everything to keep his son and Elizabeth safe, even give them up. He'd already done it; now they would just be gone from Port Charles.
The thought killed him. He would have absolutely no knowledge of Elizabeth or Jake or Cameron. He wouldn't occasionally see them, or hear about them, or know that they were nearby. She would be gone. Since he couldn't leave Port Charles, she had apparently decided to.
"What about your grandmother?" he asked. "And Lucky?"
"Lucky's conceded to my request that he stay away and break contact with us. He feels guilty about Cameron and he vowed he wouldn't fight if I took the boys." She twisted her hands together, "And my grandmother. My grandmother was…she was diagnosed with cancer. She's going to go to New York City where Steven is and enter treatment there, but it…it doesn't look good. Part of my going away is to get her settled into the center there."
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
She swallowed and then firmed her shoulders. "I…I hate the thought of taking Jake away from here and you. I know that even if you see him from a distance it's something. But I also know how hard it must be for you, because it kills me every time I see you and know that I have to look away and I can't walk over to you and talk to you and be with you. So maybe this will be better for all of us. There's no way to have a clean break from you while we're living in the same town. I…I remember all the times we've had together. Our kisses, the times you held Jake, the times you were a friend to Cameron and I just…maybe the only way to truly get past it is to leave it all behind."
Jason knew this had been hard on her, just as it had been hard on him. Her accusations stung him, but he had to stay strong. He couldn't give in just because he was afraid of them going away and losing them forever.
"We've always said that our timing seems to be against us," she said softly. "Maybe we'll never get it right and it's better to just stop fighting for it. I just hope that our timing, or luck or whatever it was that has protected me and the boys continues to hold out. Because if we cut all ties to you and something happens to us anyways…I don't know how I'd handle it, Jason."
"You…you'll be fine," he told her, because he had to believe it. It's what he told himself when he first walked away after Michael's shooting and every time he denied himself the ability to go to her. Even as he watched and felt stunned at the things that had nearly happened to her, he told himself that at least it wasn't his life. At least he wouldn't be responsible.
"So-so when are you planning to leave?"
"End of the week," she answered. "Do…do you want to look in on Jake before you go? He's asleep."
He shook his head. He couldn't see his son and not want to hold him, and if he woke him up he'd want to spend time with him and it just was better if he walked away. "No."
"Okay," she whispered, clearly hurt by his choice. "Then…then I guess this is it."
He nodded, even though it hurt. Walking towards her, he stopped, hesitating a moment, before starting to lower his head. He was shocked, and hurt, when she turned her head away and said, "No. No more kisses. Kisses should be promises for the future, not endings. Because that's not fair and it's not right. We're not going to see each other again; this is good-bye."
"Okay," he answered raggedly.
She wouldn't look at him as he walked past her towards the door, she didn't follow his movements, and when he stopped at the top of the landing and looked back, she was looking down, the slightest tremor in her shoulders. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, that he would always love their son, and that all he wanted was for them to be safe, but he knew that words would be empty and he couldn't bring himself to say them. Instead, he walked out of the house and left everything he wanted behind.
~*~*~*~*~
Two days later he was once again in Sonny's office, going over the evidence that Spinelli had collected that finally linked Dr. Ian Devlin to Michael's shooting. Sonny was ready to rush off and kill the doctor now, and Jason was doing his best to keep him calm and make his friend think rationally. It was the only way he could think rationally about the fact that Elizabeth and the boys were leaving tomorrow. He had to throw himself into his work and keep Sonny from spiraling out of control and making a move before they could find out who was the money behind Devlin.
The door burst open and Spinelli strode into the room. It was an uncharacteristic move for the young man and Jason wondered what sort of drama had happened now with Maxie or Lulu that he'd start going on about.
"Stone Cold," he began, his voice tight, and much calmer than Jason had expected. "Mr. Corinthos, Sir."
"What is it?" Sonny demanded.
"I have come to inform you of my decision to no longer be in your employ once we have all those responsible for the tragic shooting of little Michael."
"Jackal, P.I. doing that well?" Sonny scoffed.
"No, sir," Spinelli said, twisting his hands together and shifting on his feet. "The Jackal will be leaving Port Charles. I have decided that much as I am thankful for all the protection, help and former friendship I have received here, I can no longer stay."
Sonny looked at Jason and asked, "What is he going on about?"
Jason looked at Spinelli and had a sinking feeling, based on the way the younger man steadily refused to meet his gaze. He sighed, "Spinelli…"
"No," the younger man said with unheard of sharpness. "I have always looked up to you and admired you, Stone Cold. I have tried to make you my mentor and learn from you. But this…this is just stupid and I can't believe you or anything you say anymore."
"Spinelli," he tried, "this isn't the time or the place. We can talk when I get home."
"I no longer will be staying in the regrettably pink room. I have rented a room above Kelly's. Reduced rate as long as I keep all the appliances in the kitchen running smoothly," he said with a little smirk and a bounce on his feet. But it quickly faded. "I am still researching the background of Dr. Devil and for anything that indicates why he took the shot that resulted in such a tragic event. But I will not stay with you any longer."
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, Spinelli."
"Forget it," was the retort. "You love Elizabeth and Jake and even little Cameron. But you have walked away from them. And now they're not even going to be nearby, they're leaving town. Lulu was telling Mike, saying that Lucky was so broken up over Cameron's accident that he wasn't fighting it. He said it would be good for Elizabeth to get away for a little while, spend some time with her grandmother."
He looked down and somewhat sheepishly said, "I went to speak to the Maternal One and…and I discovered the truth. She's not planning on coming back. She told me what you did and I… You had everything, Stone Cold, and now you'll have nothing. She asked me to look out for you; to make sure you didn't work too hard and forget to eat and take care of yourself. After you proposed to her-"
"What?" Sonny barked out.
"And then walked away from her when you'd promised to be a family with her, she's still looking out for you."
Narrowing his eyes at the boy who had the audacity to think he could judge him, Jason said, "I never want Elizabeth to go through what Carly did. I never want to be the reason why her child is hurt or she is."
"Forgive me for saying so, but you would never be as stupid as Mr. Corinthos was. Everyone, including yourself, told him to have guards. Guards that would have done perimeter sweeps and would have been watching and seen the reflection of the rifle before it was too late."
"Get out of here," Sonny angrily demanded, standing up and slamming his fist down on the desk.
Jason stood to keep himself between the two men and said, "Spinelli."
"Cameron nearly died because the two of you thought that a recovering drug addict who spends time with the woman who watched your son get kidnapped is the better father figure and safer for those boys," Spinelli said in distress. "None of the things that happened had anything to do with your business. But they would have been dead just the same. So would you have done a dance and said 'well, at least it wasn't because of me'?"
"You're out of line, Spinelli," Jason warned low in his throat.
"And you're stupid," the younger man shot back. "What if something happens to them when they're not even here? What if Elizabeth gets mugged and killed by some crazed out druggie as she's leaving work one night and her boys are sent into foster care because nobody knows that there's family alive who would take them? What are you going to do then?"
He paused a moment and then asked, "What are you going to do when Jake realizes one day that his father didn't want him? That he didn't want him enough to fight for him and try to find some way to make it work? My father didn't want me and left me with my granny. What are you going to do when Jake comes to the same realization I did, that he just wasn't worth it?"
"Shut up!" Jason shouted, jabbing his finger at Spinelli and then the door. "Go find out who's behind Dr. Devlin and do your job."
The younger man adjusted the messenger bag slung over his shoulder and said, "I will. And then I'm also going to erase every last trace of Elizabeth Webber and her sons and make sure that they're hidden from everybody. Including you. You will never be able to find them, even if one day you pull your head out and realize that you had everything in your hands and you threw it away because you are nothing more than a coward."
Then the young man fairly flew from the room, whether from fear or anger was hard to decipher. Jason stared at the door, his shoulders tense and his chest heaving. He took two steps forward, slammed the steel structure and then turned around.
"You proposed to Elizabeth?"
"I don't want to talk about it, Sonny," he shook his head. "I did what I had to do for my family and it's done."
"I taught you everything," his friend shook his head sadly. "Including how to repeat all my mistakes."
"It's done," he repeated, an edge entering his voice. "I will never put Elizabeth in the same position Carly was with Michael. If that means I never see my son or her again, then…then that's just the way it will have to be."
"Jason," Sonny began.
"What am I supposed to do, Sonny?" he demanded, flinging his arms out to the side. "Hope that it never happens to them? Wonder if every day will be the day some enemy of ours takes a shot at one of them or tries to kidnap them to get something from us? Am I supposed to live like that?"
"Are you living now?" the other man asked softly. "Are you going to worry just as much, or maybe even more, if they're somewhere and you have no idea what's going on? What happens if despite everything you've done, someone still finds out about Jake and goes after him and Elizabeth isn't protected at all? Or what happens if another semi's brakes fail?"
"The chances of those happening are small," he insisted. "The chances of our enemies coming after them here in Port Charles are greater."
Sonny sat down and rested his head in hands. "Are they?" he asked. "I'm not sure of much anymore."
"All the more reason to keep Jake and Elizabeth safe."
"And yet, they had some very close calls," Sonny pointed out. "And Cameron nearly died because Lucky was negligent. And that's who you think is best to raise your son?"
"Lucky won't be around them anymore," he shook his head.
"You're going to be stubborn on this, aren't you?" his friend asked with a wry shake of his head.
"I have to keep Elizabeth and her boys alive. Which means I can't be near them."
"Then I hope that nothing ever happens to them after they leave. Because how will you live with yourself then?"
