Trepidation
Part 6
He stared.
He wasn't sure for how long, but he stared at Dr. Lee until his eyes started to sting. His throat burned, but he forced himself to speak. "What's
wrong with my wife?"
"Unfortunately, we weren't as lucky with Elizabeth."
His muscles instantly stiffened.
"The reason why she collapsed tonight was because she started to hemorrhage. At first it was minor, but when we began the C-section procedure she
hemorrhaged severely." The young doctor clasped her hands. Unshed tears rimmed her eyes. "We did everything we could."
He felt the air disappear from his lungs, his blood slow down its course to his heart.
"As of now, she's in a comatose state."
His eyes burned again.
"We don't know how long she'll be out and we can't use any medication to bring her back to consciousness."
The pain pierced his heart.
"She's going to have to wake up on her own when she's ready."
The remorse that had moments ago flirted with disappearing returned. It overwhelmed his senses. Taking in a deep breath, he fought to keep his balance.
"Thank you," he mumbled.
Kelly grasped his hand gently. "If you have any questions," a tear slipped down her face. "Or need anything at all; you're more than welcome
to call me anytime."
He heard the words, but his mind had drifted off as he numbly acknowledged them.
"Can I see her?" His eyes stared at the slightly ajar double doors of the operating room. He wanted to see them both.
"Elizabeth is being placed in her room and you can see her shortly. The baby is already on her way up to the NICU right now." Dr. Lee smirked softly.
"She's going to be needing a name soon."
"She already has one," Carly answered for Jason.
Looking to his side, Jason found the blonde beaming up at him. She grasped his hand again.
"Her name is Grace."
"Grace Morgan," Jason murmured in awe.
"I can take you to see my beautiful niece," Emily offered, smiling at him. He could see the struggle in her eyes and the determination to remain
strong. He nodded and took the hand she held out to him.
Holding on lifelessly, Jason allowed his sister to lead him to the NICU. His surroundings barely registered in his mind as he walked down the hallways. The
people and the hospital blurred together before his eyes. Emily's voice wafted in the background, but none of her words reached him. His footsteps echoed
in his ears as he stumbled after his sister. He was barely aware of entering the elevator and it coming to stop at the maternity ward.
They came to a halt in front of the nursery and Emily released his hand. His vision focused on the young infants that slept peacefully behind the viewing
glass. His eyes traveled over the tranquil faces, searching. There were only a few pink blankets, but he knew none of them were his daughter.
"Come on," Emily gestured for him to enter the nursery as she held the door open for him.
Running a hand over his face, Jason felt the brush of cold metal against his face. He ignored the ache in his body and entered the nursery, rubbing his thumb
back and forth over his wedding band. Instantly, his senses were assaulted by the unique scent that only belonged to children. He breathed in the aroma of baby
powder and baby formula. It calmed his shattered nerve endings.
Forcing his legs to move, he walked towards the second door that Emily gestured for him to enter. Pausing at the door, he read the pink card that contained
introductions. Raising his hand, he traced Grace Morgan. Tearing his hand away from the information card, Jason blindly stepped into the tissue thin, yellow
protective hospital gown that his sister held up for him. Gulping in air, Jason took the final few steps to the door that separated him from his daughter.
He entered a separate room full of beeping machinery. His eyes roamed over the spacious room. The décor was the same as the rest of the nursery of clouds and
rainbows. In the center of the room, an incubator sat housing a sleeping child.
"Jason, meet Grace." His sister said gently, her voice thick with emotion.
The air around him grew heavy as the young father took in one breath after another. Gingerly, he lowered himself into the oak rocking chair that was positioned
next to the incubator. His eyes focused on the child resting peacefully in the incubator. Resting on pink bedding, his daughter was the picture of perfection.
He felt the air disappear from his lungs again as he marveled at the sight of her. His vision blurred. Blinking away the
tears, he gazed at his daughter, a feeling of joy and love growing in his heart. She was small, but her chest rose and fell in a flowing rhythm as she heaved
in one breath after another on her own. There were wires connected to her narrow chest, keeping track of her strong heartbeat. His throat burned as he reached
through an opening of the incubator. His long finger met warm porcelain skin.
Hesitantly, Jason ran his finger over the curly tuft of hair in the center of her head. A small smile touched his lips as he realized that his daughter had her
mother's hair.
Parting his lips to speak, he felt the hoarseness of his throat.
A low wail drifted through the room as Grace began to squirm.
"Shhh," he whispered to her, soothingly. She continued fussing. Tentatively running his thumb back and forth on his daughter's tiny arm, he moved
the rocking chair closer to the incubator. She quieted, moving her head to face him. Her eyelids were slightly open. She stared back at him with pale blue eyes
circled by light eyelashes. His eyes.
"Hey," he murmured, dipping his head to close some of the distance between them. "I'm your father," his voice cracked.
Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Jason searched for words. A plethora of thoughts and emotions ran through his mind. He had so much to tell her and
promise her. He settled for telling his daughter of the people that loved her and waited to meet her. "You have an older brother who is very excited to
meet you. His name is Cameron. You both have the same nose," he told her, brushing his finger against her button nose. "And your mother," he
paused. Her smile and sparkling eyes streamed through his mind.
"She's…" He trailed off, attempting to sum up Elizabeth in one word. It wasn't possible. He smiled at the thought. "Despite what she
says, she's a wonderful person. She'd do everything she can to protect the people she loves; especially you and your brother." A heavy sigh
escaped him. He decided to be honest. "She's not here right now because she's not feeling well, but she loves you very much."
Inhaling the calming aroma of baby powder and children, Jason's finger trailed into his daughter's loose grip. "Whatever it takes, I'm going
to give you the best life that I can."
"Jason," Emily's voice filtered through the intercom, drawing his attention away from his daughter for a moment. "The
pediatrician needs to check on Grace's vitals."
He nodded his head, returning his gaze and attention to his daughter. "I have to go now, but I'll be back." Sweeping his finger over his
daughter's cheek, he rested his forehead against her incubator, mesmerized by her. "Remember that I'll always, always love you," he promised.
Remaining perfectly still, the events of the night filtered through Jason's mind. His body was ready to breakdown, but his resolve strengthened. The earth
beneath him tilted, but he remained upright. His children needed him as did his wife.
"I'll see you later," the young father repeated the words his wife always bid him good-bye with.
Rising from the rocking chair, Jason felt the kinks in his shoulder. Ignoring them, he splayed his hand wide on his daughter's incubator before willing
himself to walk away. Blindly shuffling out of the hospital nursery, he felt the weight of the world press down on him. Stepping into the empty hallway, he
headed back to the waiting area of the operating room when a voice had him pausing mid-stride.
Pivoting, the enforcer found himself staring into sharp brown eyes. Dr. Drake stood in the middle of the hallways in his blue scrubs with a clipboard in
hand. Exhaling a long breath, Jason walked back towards him. The doctor's clenched jaw and stoic face had Jason on his toes and not in the mood for a
lecture.
A deadly silence fell between them as they stared at each other.
"I take it you know about Elizabeth's condition," Patrick broke the silence.
Jason nodded his head deeply.
"Are you going to take care of the reason for your wife's current condition?" Sheer challenge shined in the doctor's now hardened eyes.
The enforcer matched the doctor's gaze. A wall enclosed his heart at the underlining meaning of Patrick's question. The blood coursing through his body
went frigid cold and the anger he had held at bay towards the woman he had trusted and loved came rushing forward.
"Not that it's any of your business, its being taken care of."
The doctor responded with an understanding nod. Jason saw the transformation occur before his eyes as the young surgeon's features softened and concern
seeped into his eyes.
"Elizabeth is being setup in ICU. I can take you to her room," he suggested.
"I'd appreciate that," the newlywed husband replied sincerely.
Unconsciously, his thumb found its way back to his wedding band. He rubbed it persistently, matching Patrick's long strides. They came to a stop in the
threshold of a closed ICU room. Patrick turned and faced him. The younger man observed him for a moment before reaching into his scrub pant pockets to pull out
something. He held it up for Jason to see the contents of the plastic storage bag.
Elizabeth's wedding band sparkled back at him.
"Thought you'd like to give this back to your wife," Patrick murmured, handing over the bag.
Drawing in a deep breath, Jason pulled open the bag and withdrew the cold wedding band from its temporary confinement. Slipping the ring into his silk pocket,
he steeled himself and faced the now open door.
A feeling of apprehension began to spread from his gut to the rest of his body. Stepping past the threshold, his eyes searched through the dim lighting and
came to freeze at the limp body that rested on the hospital bed. His hand began to instinctively rub over the ring in his pocket.
Her body was perfectly still. Her hands were lifeless at her side. Her chocolate locks framed her face, which was as white as the sheets she laid on. The
shadow of her eyelashes gracefully fell over cheeks and the corners of her full lips were softened. The machines surrounding her vibrated a soft hum in the
room. Her chest rising and falling faintly was the only sign of life. Even though she was unconscious and recovering, her features were gentle and relaxed.
"She's a fighter. She'll pull through." Patrick's words reached Jason from afar.
Offhandedly nodding his head, he stepped into the room and felt the heavy weight push down on his chest and his heart clench painfully. The door closed with a
click behind him. His gaze remained fixed on the woman resting before him; the mother of his children and his wife.
She appeared to be sleeping blissfully rather than in a comatose state.
Jason gazed at her intently. She was beautiful. Despite her condition she never ceased to take his breath away. Dressed in a white hospital gown with a blue
pattern and covered by a maroon wool blanket, she resembled an angel.
His angel.
Closing the distance between them, Jason hesitated at the side of the bed and peered down at his wife. Reaching down, he hooked the stubborn silky lock of hair
that fell over her eye behind her ear and pulled back. Her cold skin brushed against his knuckles from the movement. He wanted to see her beautiful cobalt eyes
gazing back at him.
His hands trembled. Clenching them he stilled them and raised one hand to caress her cheek. He felt the smooth texture of her skin and exhaled. Closing his
eyes, his newborn daughter's contented face flashed in his mind. His son's wide grin followed and his wife's lively giggles echoed in his ears.
Jason's shoulders slumped. His throat constricted. His eyes burned and a feeling of trepidation flirted against the exterior of his resolve to remain
strong.
I love you.
His strength crumbled and his knees weakened. He fell to his knees. The impact never registered in his mind. His hands blindly reached out for hers. Twining
his hand with her limp hand, he bowed his head and let the first tear fall. Pulling back slightly, he reached into his pocket for the wedding band. For the
second time that night, without hesitation he slipped it into its rightful place on her left hand.
Stifling a sob, he pressed a tender kiss to his wife's wedding band. Moving his lips to brush against her knuckles, he came to rest his lips on the back
her of hand. He didn't move. Remained motionless as his breathing turned shallow and tears trailed down his face. He inhaled her scent and a noose
tightened around his neck.
Raising his head a bit, his misty eyes roamed over her delicate features.
She was his angel.
His fallen angel.
He couldn't lose her.
The feeling that he had fought off speared through his heart and coursed through his body.
Trepidation.
It consumed him.
It left him feeling hallow and empty.
Elizabeth filled that void.
"I need you."
